I Am My Hair

Photography Apelöga

My hair. It's attached to my body, it grows out of my body, it's part of my body. How many times have I not felt like it is separate from me, like it lives it's own life. But it doesn't really, it just does what it does. But I've come to a point where I feel that my hair takes up too much of my time physically and mentally.

Back in 2011 I met Rachael founder of UK product brand Afrocenchix. I told Rachael about how in love I was with my hair and how excited I was about it. She responded that it's like that in the beginning. And she said that the feeling will calm down and eventually I will just think of it as hair. You know how it feels when you are in love with someone or something and then the person you're talking to says the excitement will end? Yes, I got disappointed. I didn't want my excitement and new found love for my hair to end. It had taken me about 27 years to get there, so it was huge deal to me. But the excitement has faded. I still love my hair but that "being in love" feeling is surely just a memory. My hair and I are in a very stable and solid relationship right now. 

My falling in love with my hair has triggered so many other things, like dominos. I started blogging though I was very shy to share anything written back then. Now I write for Skandikafrik because I'm a blogger. Then I started Instagram which lead me to eventually feel more comfortable showing my face online. This in turn has now lead me to some photo shoots which has eliminated my camera shyness. My hair has been the trigger and I'm happy for it. 

But lately I've felt a bit limited by my hair. Now I feel like I've spend so much time on hair. I feel like I'm only capable of writing about hair. I feel like my beauty is due to my big hair. And when I'm not wearing my hair out I fear that people will think I'm ugly. Of course this is a passing thought, but that it comes up at all is crazy. I kinda feel like people expect me my big hair to show up all the time. I know Taren Guy described something similar when she made a video on why she was locking her hair recently. I was actually very surprised to find out Taren Guy the "big hair don't care guru" was locking her hair (something I have spent the last six months researching and talking about as well). I believe that change is good and that it's what makes life interesting. 

Photographer Apelöga

I've come to a point where I feel ready for the next thing. Just waiting to find out what that is. But I know letting go of my hair and the limitations I put on myself because of it is a big part of it.